Filed under: implosions
as much as everyone hates me for this,
sorry and relink!
AHHAHA i’m using this “girl in green” skin cos junhui dared me. it’s so retarded. he’s now using the banana skin (kudos to me, lovelove)!
eh sorry i changed back, it was totally destroying my photos.
Filed under: implosions
i love lala and qingyi so much- my stability comes with my school friends, where i can look up and see fussy nat, laughing joylynn, meltan edging between laughter and care, melgoh doing splits in the midst of the classroom, and i can say, this were happiness. tuesday i walk into the classroom and see a bag of cream-coloured crepe paper petals, spilling its contents over the dust-grey floors, soft flakes of memory, powdering.
someone asks, so what have you been up to today? and i realise, i don’t really know where i’ve been.
i don’t know if sometimes i’m too much the girl by the window, quiet, distant, drawn into a swirling contemplative universe of her own. but i shouldn’t think too much about myself, that’s where the trouble begins. i will think about kiu, pris, about plans for next year with natalie, about losses, about beauty, reading, my family, the wedding. i will not enclose myself. i will let go of baggage, but not completely; i will not exclude. i will not say “i will” and forget. i will write, but my life shall not depend on writing. there are other things more important, things to put in place.
Filed under: soul to feet
by ren jie and lynette, in their best act of randomness to date.we wanted to write a story about a little boy, kinda like a children’s book that’s small and cute, yet epic (in his words, “intellectually orgasmic”). epic because this little boy is representative of every little boy out there (: (more…)
tulips and chimneys says:
you know
on times like those
you feel so content
i feel as if i dont need anything else
just these reassurances
of rain
mornings
and coffees
FREEDOM!! says:
you know when I feel like that?
when I get a good book 
and like sit and read it
and get lost in the story
then I feel so happy
and so lost
we all have these comforts. it’s good to feel elemental, and not let the big things consume you. it draws you to the basics, and what really matters.
five things to say
and i have a feeling this post is going to sound like an enormous stupid riddle (you know the kind) that you won’t want to read.
1) i’m still super sorry about it, and i have yet to tell you everything. i’ve got loads to say, not just to excuse myself, but to let you see. me, everything that’s happened, the crazy inner feelings that spiral downwards and surpass “hi, bye, i’m sorry” and whatever it seemed to be. i’m afraid you won’t let me in anymore, after all i’ve done, or not done. talk to me?
2) i don’t really want to live two lives anymore: the day life, where everything is sturdy and in place, and i have my friends like smily lock that last 5 years and forever, and the night life, outside school and work, where everything dies in the likeness of incense and lies and is transient as love on a stereo. i’m constantly scrutinised here, and my every action is magnified in the eyes of strangers. i would it were easier to sort out, but often it isn’t, as things are.
3) i’m afraid of what’s coming next year, i’m so used to great friends, happiness crawling out of bodies to be released in great shouting or laughter, the open sadness and comforts. the year is coming to a close, and there’s a lot coming up: the book, more debate competitions, my brother’s wedding, meeting my mentor?, saying goodbyes… and i’m so unresolved, it scares me. thank goodness for nat tan and possibly belle next year, for reassurances i need.
4) if all else that is normal fails, if even my everyday life is unshackled, i will read a thick book in bed, drink tea, buy something silly like a plant or a goldfish, place it on my table gently (that it was warmth and certainty i were carrying), and be thankful.
5) hur hur things are going to be fine, because i want them to be. thanks so much qing yi for the help, you’re a real sunshine. and i’m so glad i talked to mrs lee about it. i feel sure, more steady on the ground. i will learn and be better. i have many things to do, many things to learn i knew i ought to have learnt that got lost in the realms of i don’t know how.
Filed under: implosions
ya la ya la, allow me this one last narcissistic deed. i like my photos in black and white. it’s easier that way, to look up from the stark flame of a premature memory and see a colourful, more coveted world. i need something simple now. like a hug, a word, a promise. not a “it’ll be fine”- that’s the most difficult thing, the most supercilious vindication, the most suicidal excuse for a memory.
up into the silence the green
silence with a white earth in ityou will(kiss me)go
out into the morning the young
morning with a warm world in it(kiss me)you will go
on into the sunlight the fine
sunlight with a firm day in ityou will go(kiss me
down into your memory and
a memory and memoryi)kiss me,(will go)
/edit: i love smily lock so, so much. you understand, you really do.
tulips and chimneys says:
haha you
dear
are wise beyond words
beyond any geog marks
any type of marking
and thanks geoff too!
and you: i’m really really sorry.
